Breaking down my illness in terms of numbers

5 – The number of prescription pills I take each day just to manage my pain.

6 – The number of other over the counter pain medications I may have to take to get through the rough days.

30 – The number of essential oil drops I take in a day to manage my pain & symptoms.

1 to 14 – The number of urgent trips I make to the bathroom each day.

4 – The average number of headaches I have each day.

4 – The number of times I’ve cried this week from not feeling in control of my symptoms & just wanting to feel normal again.

2 – The number of times this week I’ve almost passed out.

5+ – The number of times I felt so nauseous but couldn’t throw up.

16 – The number of viles of blood I’ve had to give so far to try and get answers from labs.

1 – I’ve had 1 MRI to find answers. No answers.

1 – I’ve had 1 CAT scan. No answers

1 – I’ve had one endoscopy done.

4 – The number of times I’ve gone to the Doctor’s office in the last 1.5 Months.

50+ – No exaggeration. The number of times I’ve had to call or be called from the Doctors office to try and work out appointments, etc…

1 – The number of days I’ve almost had to call in to my daughter’s school to say she wouldn’t be in that day because I felt too sick to take her. It’s only the second week of school. I pushed through and took her.

1 – The number of days it took me to be off the medication for a blood test before I felt completely horrible again.

I can’t begin to explain how horrible it feels to have an un-diagnosed illness. The things I can’t quantify here, include being in so much pain I can’t get off the couch. The times I’ve been so overwhelmed with the illness that I can’t think clearly, am in a complete fog and terrify myself. The plans I’ve had to cancel with my kids because I couldn’t do them that day. The number of weeks it’s been since I’ve been able to be intimate with my husband because I honestly can’t remember. The number of times I’ve had to make and break plans with my friends because I couldn’t keep them that day. The number of times I’ve snapped at the people I love because I didn’t have the capacity to deal with whatever the day was throwing me.

But, maybe this list will give you some idea about how I’ve felt and how truly awful it is to still not have many answers. The only thing I know for sure is that I have acid reflux causing inflammation of my esophagus and an ulcer. I have elevated Alkaline Phosphate numbers and we’ve narrowed it down to the potential causes being either bone disease, liver disease or bile duct disease. The labs that I did this morning should give more answers about which of those it could be. I’m unsure if they put a rush on those results or if I’ll have to wait until later next week to hear what the results may be. I have a follow up with my doctor scheduled for next month as well.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that whatever the cause of all of this is, can be healed and that I can get back on track to feeling well soon. I love my family to pieces and can’t wait to give them more than I have been able to. Thank you all as well for reading along and keeping up with me. I appreciate you.

xoxo,

Brandy

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